He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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