i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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