DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
