Who wears a wallet chain?!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
