Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
