The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
please come you make the beer taste better
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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