Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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