you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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