this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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