god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
