So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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