Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
