There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
