Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
