I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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