Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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