i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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