WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sorry about my life...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
