We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
