Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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