i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
