i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
