my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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