Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
