I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
