his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
