Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
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We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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