there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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