He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
