She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
