So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
