i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
