if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
