its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
