White coat. Heels.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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