She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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