grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
