Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize