I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
