Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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