I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
