I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
