When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
