party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
