Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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