did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
