weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
