My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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