Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
