She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
