sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
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no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
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I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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