I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
