so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
