i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
