Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
