my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
