I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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