my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I had to cum in my sink.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
