I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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