that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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