hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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