Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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