idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
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Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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