And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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