it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
