I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
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Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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