I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
