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• (863): View more from Florida

  i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him

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• (845): View more from New York

  i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat

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• (559): View more from California

  He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver

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• (939): View more from Puerto Rico

  Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Act your age.

  (1-781): View more from Massachusetts

  I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.

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• (626): View more from California

  april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal

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