just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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