I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
