don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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