I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
