Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
