No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
