hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
