I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
