the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
