If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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