I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
