Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
