i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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