Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
