barbara walters just said penis...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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