there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
