I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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