after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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