it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
